Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
