capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i came on her dog
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
