She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
