Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
