anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
