You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
