you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize