I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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