So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
