What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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