tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
