I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
