Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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