Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
