well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
is wine microwaveable?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize