you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
