That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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