I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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