He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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