If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
