I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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