wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize