His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
