I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
