im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
