Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
