i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
