I got chris browned last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
