This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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