Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize