Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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