So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize