I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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