Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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