She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
