I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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