she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
