Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
