Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
