I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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