So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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