please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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