My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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