last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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