The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
