Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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