she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
