dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
