did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
