I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
