How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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