my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
