I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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