what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize