she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
