Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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