i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
