when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
