NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
