This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
