Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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