Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
