They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
