If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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