Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
