I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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